Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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