he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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