Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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