My first STD was from a foam party
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
