You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
