My first STD was from a foam party
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
