I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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