Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This house was built for laser tag.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
