Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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