Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
