he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
