Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
