Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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