It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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