I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
