So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize