So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
