If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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