I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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