No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We have so much sex to catch up on
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
