Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize