Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
