feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
