Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize