flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
