I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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