Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
