I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
