Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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