i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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