im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
