He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
