ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found the puke drawer
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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