my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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