Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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