the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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