I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
