i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
