Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
