i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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