The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
