I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
