I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
