Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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