they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
