i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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