woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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