I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
