I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
