Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well I just put wine in my tea
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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