He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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