i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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