i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We have so much sex to catch up on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
