so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
