if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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