Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
