so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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