I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
