We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
