I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
