I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
