Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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