how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
