Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
