uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
