tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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