the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
