Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
