walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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