what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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