Do vagina's smell?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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