His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
