my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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