i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
