Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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