You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
