do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
