i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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