I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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