I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
