his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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