So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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