now i know why i became what i already was.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
