i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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