if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
