I think I died a long time ago.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
