Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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