you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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