Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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