I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
