I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
