Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
