At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
