I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
