thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
