nut hugger
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
