Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
