after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize