its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
