this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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