yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
