im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
