My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize