but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
