A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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