i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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