So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
