so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
