peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
