Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
